A Dog's Resolutions
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold,
wet nose up her bottom.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not
tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not
the red ones, or my people will think I am
hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the
underwear of someone who is sitting on the
toilet.
I will learn the sound of OUR doorbell. I
will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance
all over the back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom
and Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the
refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he
reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car
registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear
when he's on the toilet.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the
fridge.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our
stuff.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after
they eat it.
The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse,
inedible.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining
pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw
up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll my head around in other animals'
poop.
I will not eat any more socks and then
re-deposit them in the backyard after
processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not eat the disposable diapers,
especially the dirty ones.
Author Unknown
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