Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Pet

By J Gardener
The death of a pet can be a traumatic experience for the whole family. For a young child, it can also be
confusing-it's often the first time a child must deal with such loss. In many cases, the pet has been with
the family since before the child's birth, so he or she has grown up with the pet as a real part of the
family. Children tend to relate to pets as playmates, so the loss, to a child, is often the loss of a best
friend.
But while it's a sad time in a family's life, it can also be an opportunity for learning, in ways that will help
a child cope with life's future stresses.
As parents, we naturally want to shield our children from pain and grief, but most experts agree that masking
the reality of what's happening can only add to a child's confusion. We need to be honest and shouldn't avoid
using words like "death" and "dying", even though very young children may not be able to grasp their
finality. Phrases like "put to sleep", on the other hand, can connect harmful connotations to normal
activities; if a child thinks that sleep is something from which he may not recover, he could develop an
unnecessary phobia of going to bed.
If a pet's decline is due to age or illness, and euthanasia is recommended by your veteranarian, it can be
helpful to include your child in the decision-making process. Explain the stiuation honestly: "Spot is
in a lot of pain, and the doctor can't make him better. We don't want him to suffer, and we can help him die
in peace."
Your vet has experience in explaining the problems of illness and the process of euthanasia to children, and
most vets are happy to help you answer your child's questions. As well, if your pet has suffered traumatic
injury, your vet is the best resource to explain the reasons for death.
Encourage your child to express his feelings. It may not happen with words-your child may not yet possess
the nuance of vocabulary necessary to properly convey such feelings. He may find it easier to draw a picture
of his life now, without his friend.
Express your own feelings, as well. Tell your child how sad the loss of Spot makes you feel. Hiding
your pain may make your child wonder if you'd miss him, if he were gone.
A number of resources are available on the internet for dealing with pet loss-Amazon.com lists many books
written specifically for parents to help guide their children through the processes of loss and grief.
One important piece of advice many experts offer: Don't rush out to replace your cherished pet, in the
hopes of quickly alleviating your child's pain. Allow the process of grief and recovery to run its
course. Your child may not be ready to give a new pet the same love and attention he devoted to Spot.
And, again, you don't want to teach him that lost loved ones can be instantly replaced. That can add to his
own insecurity, regarding his place in your family.
Grieving is a natural part of life, and so is recovery. Sharing these processes as a family can help teach your
child important life lessons, as well as provide the extra attention your child often needs, during this time.
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